As We Grow Older
It’s funny how age can be such an elusion sometimes. This photo looking like it’s from a hundred years ago is actually from recent months. See that covering on the right side of the bridge that’s the same covering that frustrates the hell out of me as I pass into Brooklyn and no longer have the view to see the clearest route to my little waterside town. This is because age is an illusion, always has been always will be.
I’ve spent years feeling the pains of ageism. My family was too nieve, didn’t know how to raise a child let alone take care of a child’s sensitive emotional needs. It made me grow up too quick, over night. I lost a childhood. Yet, when one grows up on the inside it’s not reflected on the outside, the lines on our face and the twinkle of knowledge in our eyes don’t change as our soul does, only as time takes it’s toll. I went into my teen and young adult years feeling trapped. Always struggling, feeling older, treated younger, just not fitting in. I missed out on being a teenager.
Now, as I’m on the farside of 25, 4 years and I’ll be facing 30 I finally feel like my body is growing into my soul. My heart and my head have come to a cross road and I’m slowly becoming me. I’m thankful. The anxiety is lifting with certain situations. Work is becoming easier as people are now seeing beyond the young faced girl and at the woman that has always been there.
I can finally focus on healing rather than defending the person within.
This will not happen to my daughter. She will have an opportunity to be the baby, the terrible two toddler, mommies little girl, daddies little girl, the princess, the tomboy, the awkward and confused pre-teen, the dramatic emotional teenager, the adventurous excited young adult, and the balanced blossomed adult. Every single stage will be encouraged, embraced, and supported.
She will become my beautiful grown up daughter who I am so proud to know. And she will never look back and say “I missed out on”….etc. She will not grow up too fast yet she will not be babied so it stunts her confidence either. There will be balance.
I’m so sure in those deep deep brown eyes there’s a new soul, a clean slate, so excited to just be alive. I’m so honored to be part of that, to participate in every step of the way. Being a parent is so much more than raising a person, it’s a relationship fluid in both directions and who’s to say we as parents don’t get second chances? I sure am.