Falling into old traps

Sooooo here I sit yet again like i was last semester...i partied too hard saturday night. I dont know why I get all out of hand and now I'm here facing the after effects of alcohol. It hurts. So, also on that night I hooked up with a guy who I who I've had my eye on since school started. I haven't been with someone in sooo long because I'm sooo tired of the random hook ups. I really did have a crush on him, and I'm so pissed at what I did ruined any chance of anything real happening while disappointing myself because I broke the good few months I had. Things like that make me feel like shit. Its not like i really wanted to be with him at all because i was enjoying the soul searching I have been doing...I dont know why I do this to myself. Anyhow I also came to another conclusion...I think I may be a closet straight girl. I dont know if a just really really appreciate the female body or what. Ahhhh I'm so confused I was doing so well then let myself get out of hand again. I think what I'm looking for in a relationship now, is not no relationship but one with some sort of intellectual stimulation. I like school and all but i feel like I could be contributing so more. I need to travel i think. I miss my Cait. Well off i am again....just being me.

Kirby Costa Campos