I think its about time I started over. I never really left home when I left.....I held on too much to really move on. The world keeps spinning when I'm not there I need to realize this, anyhow besides my handful of close friends who really is thinking of me up state? I held so much high for the marching band, never really wanted to admit it wasn't real...i mean I knew in the back of my mind just never really admitted it to myself. Wow, i really need to see the world as is. Its like everyone in the band is too scared to admit what it really is. Im not going to get into it in black and white now but it really is sad and I do praise those who left. Now im not putting down all the hard work we put into the seasons or what people gave up to get us where we were, just the politics of it all. And the favorites that were always played by the directors......I fought forever to be one of them and now I sit back and think why? What does it really matter in the end? Does it change who i am ? no.... Would it have made me any better of a person? no. ......I have to let go. I dont think I'm going to go up state any time soon maybe not till mid summer festival. I really need to focus on starting my life here 100% and find a new group to hang with, some what closer to me for now. I hope my friends from upstate will take a trip down every now and then to see me, I will still miss them but its about time people start reaching out to me, seems like im always the one to fight, im tired I need to just live.