Its been for ever since I wrote. Life is like a roller coaster any more never really know which direction its gonna head....that morning.......or after noon its been lately when i get up...this guy on myspace wrote this great thing it made me happy......"to all you hopeless philosophers and rock stars with inflated egos, to all of you who will take anything from anyone, all you hot shot hustlers and self proclaimed bad asses, to all you high school football heroes and small town legends, to all of the fashion models and sex queens. take out your devices, poor yourself another shot. take out your broken light bulbs, take out your ball point crack pipes. load them like guns. this is a toast to you. congratulate yourselves and celebrate. take a hit, drink your drink. because you are at the top of your game. this is as good as life gets for you. it all goes downhill from here. at least until you get some more.'. made me giggle at the rock star because that exactly what he is, was and will always, gives me hope. this whole cancer thing has me shook up i'm not sure anymore what i want to do. i use to think I knew so well. When your time might be cut short you start to look at everything backwards and upside down. i spend alot of time wandering the city now...i quit my day job so I would have more time to 'enjoy' life....why has it been so un-enjoyable then? i spend alot of time looking at people. i feel like i wana go home when the funny part is im already there, this city has a way of killing you slowly and making you love every agonizing minute of it. i miss everyone.