And it has hit.

It's here. The shock, the fear, everything. I've even been shocked with myself up to this point about how well I've been holding myself together the past month as my ex makes his transition out of the home. Honestly so well I've been waiting for it to hit. Sure my productivity has been up and down lately but the emotions, they've been tucked way down for sometime. And tonight in the quick but oh so hard moment between my daughter having a huge meltdown, the dinner boiling over, and the dog getting uber sick (from THAT end) ON the other dog... it finally hit me with a panic and a whole bunch O'tears. 

When G's with me, I'm a single parent. I am alone. And 5 years of a failed marriage, has led to this moment. 

This realisation was followed by a rush of fear, pain, anguish, disappointment...pretty much every emotion I've been protecting myself from since my split in August thrust it's way into my little heart, chest, and bones.  

I know I'm going to be OK. Hell, I even knew these emotions were coming. And a part of me knows I have to feel this to be able to pick these pieces up and figure out what this new life looks like. But, till then (or at least till the morning with so much work to do tomorrow....) I'm gonna sit wrapped up in this blanket looking like a sad owl, feeling it, trying to understanding it, then, when I'm ready letting it all go. One step at a time. 

And one day, I'm going to look back on this post with a little more wisdom, a heart a little more capable at loving, and a better understanding of who I am because of this journey. Nothing in this little soul is going to waste any longer, not even the hard stuff. 

Kirby Costa Campos