As a Movie

I have these periods in my life where I feel I'm watching myself from the outside, like a movie with a running sound track. The same tracks played over and over on my poor shattered iphone during these time periods when I'm deep in thought. Which is ironic considering the movie coming out in the coming year will actually do that to my life.

Here's the current scene. I've grown up,  I've set my standards. Im feeling empowered but a little un sure of my steps as I move forward in this new and healthy identity. So I go through the motions and move on through my busy life, in a complete state of wonder. 

 Turn up your speakers, click play, and follow the scenes montage style, 

Rushing my kid off to school making it in the door of my office by 8:30 on the busy NYC streets 

Managing to carry a stroller, a child, and all out bags up two narrow subway stair cases in 5 inch heals.

The first cup off coffee.

2,000 emails, people grabbing me every two seconds for things around the office- Busting my bust for zero inbox

In and out of two offices, running 7 block between the two multiple times a day

Grabbing a quick coffee with a friend between meetings

Sweating my ass off at the gym - feeling good - 

Seeing the gym results early morning sun before my house wakes - pride - 

The 4th cup of coffee as I take phone a phone meeting and reviewing a partners documents

Counseling my co-workers and helping them - making new friends - socializing 

Spilling said fourth cup of coffee all over my sweet white dress 

My subway ride home - music playing - in my own world - packed train

Answering emails on my phone as I cart G to soccer and church on Sunday

G running around the playground as I read one of the four self help books I have going and will never finish cause that's what I do. 

Deep cleaning my filthy apartment horrible gloves, Rent blasting, and all 

A second to breath in church - focus - being brought to tears more times than not but hold it in - slowly becoming closer to the people there, getting over my extreme shyness that takes my soul in real life interactions 

Hosting friends for dinner and wine, laughing over the fact that I'm struggling with the shyness 

Grocery shopping for a week, 90% of the things in my cart are kid related besides the wine and coffee 

Off to a CD release party for my big band - dressed to the nines 

Chasing G around the CD release party as she tries to destroy the place 

Back in the office late in the evening finally being able chow on some delivery

Late night, laundry waiting to be folded covering my couch a sweet over tired babe sleeping in my bed with 4 dolls, packing lunchs over a glass of wine and french love songs, maybe even some Ingrid Michelson 

Falling into bed. Having the emotional moment to think about what's on my mind through all of this. 

The next scene is unsure. Fact is for the first time I'm truly enjoying the montage. Not stressing over anything just running with it all. The hard part is letting go and letting fate control the scenes to come. I maybe going through the actions but fact is this song is playing in the back of my head, and for good reason. 

Kirby Costa Campos