Bonding with a Newborn....
Something you would have thought I would have written about say 15 months ago is how I bonded with Georgiah when she was born. It wasn’t until maybe the past 6 months I really got thinking about this. I read a TON of birth stories, I love em. They never fail to tear me up as I read through the part where the baby is born and leaves me with a yummy warm happy feeling by the end. Yet, here’s the thing that overtime really started me thinking, my bonding experience.
Yes I was happy when I met my daughter, yes I felt love pouring out of me, her little hand when she was put in my arms grabbed my tub and I melted. She looked into my eyes I looked into hers there was a connection but it was more of an acknowledgement, a “hey what’s up” will you rather then a story book moment I read about over and over in these birth stories. Thinking back now if G and I had a full fledged exchange at that moment I’m sure it would have been something like this:
Both: “WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!”
Baby: “I don’t know man, gosh it’s bright out here”
Mom: Can I move my bottom half? God will I ever stand again? Oh My Gosh your hands are SO little!
Baby: Yeah bout that, yawn, gosh I’m tired, you tired?
Mom: Hells Yeah
Baby: Alright then…
End of scene.
So as you’ve probably figured out at this point I didn’t bond right away.
My labor was incredibly quick, 2 1/2 hours quick. My midwife made it to my house just in time so my doula didn’t have to deliver my baby. To be honest labor hit me like a train. I had no time to think, breath, or function. Nature literally took over. I didn’t have one of those magical labors where the women work up to their pushing and say “OK I’m going to push”. G was just as sassy as she is today and decided I want out NOW so here I come, no pre-labor warnings.
I was in shock. I mean obviously I knew I was having my baby any day but I really thought I would be one of those woman with a looonnnngggg first labor that I talk about being epic for years to come (yes I’m one of THOSE woman). I thought I would be wandering my house half naked for at least a handful of hours barking orders at Mark for one thing or another every time a contraction hit. Here’s what actually happenedL I suddenly puked the entire pint of ice cream up I had just ate collapsed onto my bathroom floor and felt a babies head between my legs a hour later, that quick. So by the end when I had made it through the “ring” of fire and G was on my chest I was in shock more then anything. I had just went through the hardest thing my body would EVER do in the blink of an eye and was exhausted. Not more then ten mins after giving birth I was in the shower and not more then 20 mins myself Mark and G were all tucked into our safe warm bed and all asleep.
I think it wasn’t until 7am that I was able to really take everything in. I was able to breath again, G started feeding like a champ, and I finally had the brain capacity to really take her in. I smelled her, felt her skin close to me, traced her little details, that’s when I fell in love, that’s when her and I had that moment, that’s when we bonded.
I can’t help but to wonder when reading some of these birth stories did all these mothers have THAT moment and I’m just some kind of freak? Or has the pressures of people judging played a role in the story lines? Let me be clear I love my daughter to the end of the universe and back but our story is just a little different. Did you bond right away or did it take some time to sink in?