I’m sitting her G leaving tomorrow, W the day following, and myself Monday. Each of us to a different country living a life apart for a month. As some of my longterm readers know, I’m nothing new to travel but this time, this time it’s very very different. 

I am miserable. I mean, mood swing, pouting, waking up crying, miserable. I’m a down right mess. I just don’t want to be away from my family, for that long. 

This past year when I for the first time in my entire life I got to feel what it feels like to have a real complete family and living in the daily pleasures of that. I just don’t want to let go, or lose it. The good or the tough all of it. I feel like for the first time I have my hands wrapped tightly around love - real love. 

Still not knowing my visa status is playing a huge part into this I know…I hate just not knowing what our life will look like come fall. More so though it’s that I finally get “it”. I get why everyone thought I was nuts having a travel heavy job and a child, I know what people mean when they write or talk about hating to leave their family for work. Honestly I never did because I never had something so substantial, so real. Sure I had G and myself in the beginning being a single mom but those years were ridden with drama of my divorce and so many other things as a relationship ends. Traveling was a welcomed break from the reality of life. 

Now though, I don’t want a break, I don’t want out, I want my family under the same roof close enough to hold and breath in. I want us together. This is all new territory for me. It’s going to be a long long month. 

Kirby Costa Campos