I am not super woman.
Ever feel like you’re just fighting to stay afloat and just can’t meet the mark? I do. For a couple months now. Awhile back I felt like this, overwhelmed, like a failure so I down sized my company, brought on less work and started watching G full time.
Recently feeling overwhelmed again I again downsized, stopped making time for things I love, loosened up on G’s schedule, and yet it still feels like I’m in a constant cycle of catchup and fall behind. I feel like I’m letting the whole world down around me. I’ve been so confused as to why this is. How was I so gracefully balancing work and G for so long then suddenly hit a wall. I’ve been thinking for sure it HAS to be me. I’m doing something wrong, not teaching G what she needs so she’s acting out.
So, tomorrow we tour, as in a cheap daycare for a possible twice a week full-day care situation. She can socialize with other kids and I can have two full ten hours of uninterrupted work. I’m not going to lie, I feel like a failure. I feel like I can’t provide everything my child needs, I feel I can’t run a successful business. FAIL.FAIL.FAIL. I have to work in order to support this family and because I love what I do but I can’t go on living everyday in such a struggle to keep my head above water.
Is it possible G’s just at the age where she just needs 150% of my attention which is making the balance not work anymore? Maybe it’s the four molars pushing their way through. Maybe I’m just not a good stay at home mom.
What ever it is I can’t wait to feel better to keep these smiles on these faces: