Questions Over Coffee

Sorry it took me so long to get to these guys, I’ve been SUPER busy with work!



twentyfingers asked:
hey is your next give away the soothe and glow seahorse? just a guess.
and in your about me where it says “Raising A Baby Separated, Yet Together” does that mean that you and him arent involved with each other, but still raise baby g together? if so, how is that?? i really need some advice on how to deal with it (if that is what you’re going through)

Hey Twentyfingers,

Yes that was our next give away but that was months ago. We’ll possibly have another give away happening early 2011, keep your eyes out!

I knew the question of mine and Mark’s relationship would pop up on here eventually. I have touched on the topic on my personal blog but haven’t known how to approach it here. I didn’t know if I should address a post to G explaining everything or just ride it out awhile and see where it all goes. A few months back mark and I split up. We were still living together and I assumed we would live apart which we eventually decided against. Funny thing is it wasn’t a big fight or event that made this happen it was a conversation. See Mark had to immigrate into this country so we had almost NO time to date before we married. We’ve always felt like our relationship was missing something because of that, we never had the courting period most have to get to know each other. We above all else we want to show G what a loving relationship looks like whether it happens with us or other people we end up with and currently ours was lacking the romance. Teaching G how to love he partner is the most important thing we feel in this situation, we don’t agree with the mantra “stay together for the kids”. If you end up hating each other because it’s not right we think it’s worse for the child then figuring it out so it works.

We decided to “start over” which is why we split. It was hard in the beginning figuring out our new relationship, over the past few months things have become very pleasant. We’ve fallen back into some of our old loving habits and have learned to communicate SO much better every single day. We’re not officially “back together”, the whole point of this is to have the courting period and romance we missed out on. I can honestly say I don’t know if and when we’ll get back together. We may and you’ll be reading about us dating again and having the wedding we never had or we won’t and you’ll be reading about how we make it work while balancing our outside relationships. One thing that won’t change is our love for our daughter and the family we have created. We’re a strong family unit and that comes first which means living together for at least the next 20 or so years even if we aren’t together. I don’t know where this life is bringing us and I can honestly say I’m OK with it, we have all the time in the world to figure it out and day to day we’re happy.

So I guess if you HAD to label it you could say we’re in a “open relationship” currently. But, really I wouldn’t even call it that. We just aren’t labeling things anymore which just works for us. We know we love the family we have created and no matter what happens and that will not be affected. We’ve even spoken about having more kids and growing our family even if we’re not traditionally together. I know it’s not traditional but it works for us and our family is happy which not everyone out there can say. Hope that makes it a little clearer…… 8-)

sentimentalheart asked:
Hey! I hope little G is feeling better! She is too adorable for words really. How old is she anyway? Also I have a few questions i’ve been meaning to ask you *sidenote: I am totally in love with your blog and your very amazing view on the world, love it!* It’s about the floor bed, what do you do about spiders and things and I dont know I am really looking to try the floor bed as our little girl refuses to sleep in her crib, she shakes and cries and just seems so scared. We’ve tried ‘cry it out’ method and after about 30 mins I gave in, multiple times, I love her sleeping with us most nights but obviously i’d be nice if she had her own space and stuff, wow, ramble, point was. I would love to do this however my husbands family thinks its like a trend i’m trying to follow or some quirky thing i’m trying to do. any pointers or tips you can give me, oh and clearly they are all afraid and insisted that she would just be devoured by spiders(which makes it sound like we live in a box, when really they live in a very nice house with the occasional bug)

Hey Sentimentalheart,

Thank you for the sweet note. G’s currently 8 1/2 months old. As you know from reading our blog we LOVE the floor bed! I’m not to sure what to say about spiders. It’s actually funny you brought bugs up because Kenny (from Smonk You who inspired us to do a floor bed) answered a few comments about his son’s floor bed also related to bugs awhile back. Fact of the matter is there are bugs in every single house no matter how clean there will be some sort of little bugger somewhere even in cribs! Most spiders don’t bite (if you’re not in a tropical environment of coarse) so I’ve never been worried about G getting bitten because she’s on the floor. Some asian cultures use sleeping mats that are only centimeters off the ground and they have survived “bugs”. Keep in mind her mattress is a good six inches thick so she is not totally on the cold floor. Right now being in NYC bedbugs are a big worry when it comes to bugs, we haven’t gotten them but know a few house holds that have….their everywhere right now, it’s scary!

If you want to give the floor bed a try do it! If you’re family thinks it’s a trend that’s fine maybe it is, but that trend may work well for your kid you’ll never know till you find out. Also you can always use the mattress from her crib, no need to buy one of those pricy floor beds. I say try it for a week or two and see how it feels for the whole family.

Good Luck!

Momszilla asked:
i really like what you said in your baby blog disclaimer. i agree wholeheartedly and also noticed that all the blogs i started following (i’m new here) are authored by very young mothers.i’m not judging at all; i am 33 years old and am a first time mother and am so glad i waited as long as i did. it makes it so much easier to say “no, thanks” when i get invited out to parties or a night of boozing. don’t get me wrong, i miss it sometimes, but i made a big point of getting all my partying out of the way and it really helped

Thanks momzilla for the note! Yes I whole heartedly agree once you’ve been through the “party” stage it’s easier to say no. That being said I still like to head out every so often and have a mommy’s night out. (ummmmm Brei “I can’t look at you I gotta look at the ground! hahaha)

I think it’s all about a balance really, not too much either way.

Anon asked:
I have so much respect for you and your husband. I didn’t know much about Natural/water birth until I came across your blog and to be honest, I think it’s a better method of childbirth. But, that’s simply my opinion. And the attachment parenting method is wonderful. When I become a parent one day I plan on using a lot of the advice and feedback you guys have given. I also hope to be half as good of a parent as you guys are. Thank you for making this blog, it’s truly wonderful.

I am so happy you could learn about natural and water birth through our little blog! Thanks for the very sweet message and reading. xo

(Choosing to keep her anon) asked:
Hey Kirby!
Right now I’m working from home about 15 hours a week and also doing some music gigs outside the house (I’m a musician and an editor). I’m interviewing for some music positions right now which would increase my at home and out of the house workload, and just wondered if you had any tips on transitioning my daughter to having someone watch her sometimes while I work. Due to our schedules, it would only have to be 1-2 times a week, so I’m hoping it will be pretty seamless.


Aren’t you one of the moms who publicly gained up on bashing me when I left the parenting blog community?! Yeah, you were. Now, asking advice eh?

One thing I like to do is keep this blog real and I’m going to be real with you now, bashing someone then acting like you were never involved is just as uncool as making a bunch of profiles and recommending yourself to the top of the parenting directory, taking that slot from other parents who don’t cheat the system. *cough*

I might not have fought back publicly to that mean post because I choose to keep that out of my life but it doesn’t mean I just forget when people try to make me feel bad, even online.

You want some advice? Stick to asking advice from the the happy happy joy joy blogs that put up with the fake smily “everyone is friendly even if we hate each other” BS in the tumblr parenting community cause you’re not going to get it here. It’s the exact reason I separated myself from you all. I may not always be nice, I may not always say what people want to hear but I’m real and I have morals, I would never publicly attack someone with names like you all did to me.