Three Become Two.

Red Hook is officially out of crisis and into recovery and even a little rebuilding currently. While prevention from future storms are a long way out we’re getting there. It’s interesting to see the stages after the hurricane relief and how my personal life has greatly reflected the crisis. Chaos, confusion, abandonment, and a sliver lining. Going on almost a month ago now Mark left our family. He has been living in his own place for sometime now but this but he decided after another string of bad decisions and struggles with his addiction G’s life maybe better for a bit without him being part of it. It was a hard thing for me to swallow but seeing his power cause me so much pain and struggle during a literal crisis it was a welcomed decision. It was hard at first. It was the first time I was a 100% single parent EVERYTHING on me at ALL times. I no longer had the freedom in my schedule having to plan my days down to the very minutes between day care drop off and pick up. I had to figure out how to balance my full-time band management position, my full-time crisis working position and now my full-time parenting position. That first week was hard, I was irritable, I was hurt, let down, and man did I struggle.

But, I wasn’t alone. I had my crew, my new crew supporting me every step of the way. There’s about 8 of us that became close because of the storm and are still working on the relief work together, each and every one of them stepped up to support me in their own way. One let me have complete and utter bitch melt downs on them, one coached me on letting go of my anger helping me rediscover that nice, and balanced person that got buried under years of a bad marriage, one I just text SOS to at any point in the night and they were at my door to inevitably being cried and snotted all over, another cleaned my house for me when I was away for the night so I would come home to a calm space, all at one point or another chipping in to help with G watching her so I can get out of the house for a hour or when I need to run errands. I could go on for ages listing out all the amazing things this group has done to not only help me out in this transition but support me in becoming a stronger, healthier, good person.

It hasn’t always been easy, people never tell you the worst side of divorce, the side where you have to learn all over again who you are and what you want. The hardest thing I’ve had to face so far in my life is relearning who I am, it’s been scary. But, with this team by my side I feel safe for the first time. I feel safe to fail, safe to break down when I need to because I know they are there to catch me, not to judge, not to point fingers, but to do their best in loving me no matter how flawed. More importantly is how this group is loving G. They are shining so much positive energy onto this little girl to the point you can see it radiating out of her in her actions and persona. The guys in particular have really been stepping up to the plate spending extra time with her and I’m just so thankful. I’ll never forget one of my friends consoling me when I had a break down at one point early on because I so worried that G would never have a positive father figure in her life and he said “are you kidding me?!” “look around, she has had more positive influence in the past three month than she probably had in the past two years” and it was at that moment I knew she would be OK, we would be OK, because the universe had provided it’s silver lining.

We may have lived through a crisis but what came into our life is worth a thousand storms over, we after so long without it have found love. And that love is felt every single day between the group dinners , the favors, the kiddy sleep overs, to the random text check ins, even when we fight with each other and help each other see our flaws. We are there for each other, deeply. It’s only been three months but the crisis has created such a bond it’s hard to describe. The awesome thing about it is slowly our group is growing a neighbor here or there joining, a brother moving to NYC, it’s growing and it feels so good to share this magic with more and more people. I’m so thankful to know these people not just for me but for the little girl who’s life they are changing every single day just by being them. Our Fambly.

 image